Growing up

So I'm officially an adult haha yay for birthday's, I must say I have been thinking lots this last week. Life is crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way ;) and lately it's been an emotional rollercoaster. I must say I have learned a lot though, and I still have a lot of that left to do... But I'm slowly learning what means the most to me in life.

My family, I love them all dearly and I wouldn't trade any one of them. My parents are amazing and support me in every single thing I do (even if they think I'm not making the smartest decision) My brother's are simply amazing Eric is such a strength and example to me he may never know that, but he has helped me so much throughout my life, Leif is slightly over-protective, and sometimes that makes him a little irrational but he is a light in my life, and can always make me laugh, and Conner is wise beyond his years and just about the sweetest kid he is always there to give me a hug and tell me that "boys are dumb and overrated," haha
My friends, I have some of the absolute best friends in the entire world! They are all an example and strength, and a huge support in my life I honestly have no idea who I would be without them. My best friend Jacqueline is AMAZING honestly I don't know how I got along without knowing her for all of high school, I'm so so glad we are friends now though, and SO glad I have her as an example to me everyday!!! And then I have Becky, Jenny, Kayla, and Tasia as well they are absolutely some of the most amazing girl's to walk this planet. I am so so lucky to be able to have multiple best friends, and to be blessed to have each of them in my life!!!
The gospel I have been a member my entire life, and while I have had my fair share of struggles, I know that I can recieve guidance and strength. I know I may not always make the right choices, but I also know that that is the reason we are here is to learn and grow and become more like the Savior that we may be able to return and live with Him one day! And I will do everything in my power to make it to that place in my life. I know exactly where I want to be, and nothing will ever change that!!!
I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is reflecting on the last 21 years of my life it's been a rollercoaster, but I wouldn't change a thing. Yeah I have made mistakes, and yeah I wish that things would pan out differently, but I can't change someone's mind, nor can I go back and change the past...so the best thing to do is pick up all the scattered pieces, take a deep breathe, and press forward...

"I wrestle with demons and darkness, I've wrestled with what has been lost, I carry this crushing weight on my shoulders and try not to think of the cost, it's more than a single decision it's giving up part of myself it's something I simply can't do on my own, so I'm pleading with you for your help,
Again and again I've asked myself why, I don't think that I have any tears left to cry, my soul is so tired, I'm longing for rest, I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best, it hurts to move on from the place I am in but you understand where I've been and you reassure me it's time to start over again...
I'm finally ready to listen, I'm finally ready to hear. Struggling to get to a place you can reach me, where peace can speak louder than fear. I can't see the end of the story there's no way to know how it ends. For now I let go and I trust you to lead me and show my heart where to begin.
Again and again I've asked myself why, I don't think that I have any tears left to cry, my soul is so tired, I'm longing for rest, I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best, it hurts to move on from the place I am in but you understand where I've been and you reassure me it's time to start over again...
All of the pain and confusion I'm going through I'm turning it over to you. Willing to trust it's the right thing to do,
Again and again I've asked myself why, I don't think that I have any tears left to cry, my soul is so tired, I'm longing for rest, I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best, it hurts to move on from the place I am in, but you understand where I've been and you reassure me it's time to start over again..." -Jessie Clark Funk, "Again"

Heros

Ok so today I was thinking about the heros in my life...my mom is amazing she astounds me each and every day I have been "playing mom" for the last three weeks while my parents went on vacation. I have no idea how she does what she does, she is ABSOLUTELY the most amazing woman to walk this planet. My dad is the strongest, best guy that I know he loves each of us kids with everything he has and would do anything he could to help us succeed. My brothers are AMAZING one is on his mission and working everyday to serve the Lord, the other two are learning who they are and becoming amazing men themeselves like my father.
My friends blow me out of the water sometimes. First of all there's Ironman (yep, were close personal friends ;) ) then of course my best friends like Jacqueline she is such an example and a strength to me, and all my other amazing friends, like Kayla, Jenny, Lis, Amy, Becky, Cindy, Ryan, Casey, Ashley, etc. who make everyday a joy to live we always have our crazy adventures (most of the time it includes me driving and all of us end up completely lost) but each time something bad happens we can all make a joke out of it and laugh and enjoy every bit of our day! And of course my amazing cousin Tasia, she finds someway to make me smile EVERYDAY!!! Especially lately, even if I don't know if I am in much of a mood for smiling!!! She is absolutely outstanding!!! And then today I was talking with one of the sweetest girls in my ward and she is absolutely amazing, she has been through something terribly hard and yet still is able to smile and be the happiest girl I know! Thank you for your example, you have no idea how much you helped me today!!!
So basically to sum it all up...I am SO GRATEFUL FOR THE PEOPLE I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH IN MY LIFE!!! THANK YOU EACH AND EVERYONE!!! ^_^ YOUR ALL MY HEROS!!!

Tinker Bell told Peter Pan that all he had to do was have one happy thought and he could fly like and eagle. Not bad advice for the rest of us!

Ramblings...

So it's been an odd week, sorry this is more just for me than anyone else, but I have no time to write it all down and I am waiting for computer stuff to load, and if there is anyone out there who can explain to me why guys do these sorts of things that would be helpful...

I don't know I feel like I should be like a lot more upset right now than I am. But mostly I'm just confused cause I tried my hardest and I had my answer and I was going for it and life seemed to be working in an odd, twisted sort of way and then Sunday everything fell apart.

Basically long story short the first guy I had ever gone beyond being "just friends" with ended our friendship and everything else that was going on between us...but he couldn't even have enough guts to talk to me on the phone or in person. And honestly I was going to do something similar so it's not like it was un-expected that's why I think I'm not so much hurt that it happened, but the part that does hurt is at least I was planning on talking with him face to face. To me an email just kinda proves that he never really cared all that much, and yeah grant it he is far away, and we weren't officially together, but he could have at least called...

So basically in a nut shell guys if you ever ever ever care about someone at all, DON'T USE A COMPUTER, OR PHONE TO TELL SOMEONE HOW YOUR FEELING, OR AS A BASIS FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP, you just come across as an insensitive jerk!

Side note, I'm honestly ok with everything, except for the fact that now we can't even be friends...I don't understand why people can't maintain a friendship...

Here goes...

My life in a nutshell is insane... I just opened my own business it's a daycare/preschool and I love it! I love working with kids, I am going to school full time as well. Then on top of that I am managing my own house, and another one for a family memeber. I'm 20 years old, and I love to try just about anything I love being outdoors, playing with my friends and family, and going on random crazy adventures! Recently life has been entirely insane, and there has been a lot to deal with and not much of me to be able to accomplish it all. I think I'm finally getting to the point where life is beginning to make sense and I'm getting it in order, (now if I could only figure out the relationship side of things) ;) haha